My job is making me nuts. Besides the fact that I’m a temp, get no bennies, only supposed to work 8 hours/day, I always seem to volunteer (as in not get paid) for an extra one. And my boss doesn’t explain very well what he wants, so I don’t understand. I am going to have to make a point to ask more questions. I actually like the work, though it is challenging. My industry is laying off people right and left, so I’m really glad to be working, but does it need to dominate my life?
I got home about 5 minutes too late to get to kickboxing, starving and thirsty, with a headache (dehydrated, I suspect). I found myself thinking that I should get a burrito, it’ll make me feel better. But it wouldn’t, it would just make me feel stuffed, sad about overeating, and I’d be in a food coma, would not make it to the gym at all. So I skipped the burrito, came home and ate a free-range hot dog on a whole wheat bun with chopped shallots, and sauteed brussell sprouts. Not really a healthy meal, either, probably higher fat percentage than a veggie burrito, but it’s much less food.
This is just one of those days when I look at the state of my life, and it all seems wrong. I’m glad to be working, I’m glad to be losing weight, I’m glad my living situation is satisfactory, but my social life is in shambles, and nothing is wonderful. I am going to practice one of the tools I learned from my bingeing class. “Acting as if.” I am going to make food for lunch for this week, clean my bloody kitchen, go to yoga, and get rid of this headache, somehow, and at least pretend to be a functional human being. I’ve lost my binge-ability, now I have to face the drudgery that life sometimes is, directly. I guess that’s a good thing, I’m just feeling too grumpy to be happy about it.
**OK, yoga isn’t happening. I still got the headache, my back hurts (not that that should matter), but I think brussel sprouts may give me gas, very inappropriate. Plus, I don’t bloody feel like it. I’ll sit here on my ass, then clean more kitchen. Good times, all.