Quitting cigarettes really sucks. I try to keep myself tired enough to not bounce off the walls, but I know better than to drop the coffee, too. I have none in the house, but cafe opens in 45 minutes, I’ll live until then. I can keep myself numb and tired enough to do this for a few days, but I’ll have to face regular life soon. Or do I?
I’ve been reading up about smoking/weight, and on average, it seems people gain 15-20 pounds when quitting. Some of it is drop in metabolism, some of it is compensating behaviors. I know for me, my signals get really crossed (raw frayed nerves will do that, I suppose), and I can’t tell if I’m hungry, thirsty, need a ciggarette. I have definately returned to ciggs many times when it looked like the scale started climbing.
This time, since I am not working, since I rarely have anything I have to do or anywhere I have to be, for at least the next two weeks, I will not smoke, and I will not gain weight. I’ll probably have to exercise more (not so easy) and eat less (boo). I’m not really used to doing so much in the food restriction realm, since for the most part I eat quite healthy, and exercise so much, and with the extra boost of nicotine, it wasn’t so important. Now it’ll matter.
Some of these changes are going to suck, but I’d really like to be done with ciggs, not go running back because of the scale. For a month or so, I can’t drink either, since that seems to loosen my inhibitions (those rumors are true), and I end up smoking. I can still smoke weed, that can help me stay numb and calm. That’s another monkey on my back I’ll have to face, though it’s not as addictive, dangerous, or toxic as cigarettes. Actually, tomorrow night my cute ex-coworker is buying me a drink (since he got promoted and I got laid off), which makes it more likely that I’ll smoke. Maybe I’ll try to have the same attitude as I do with food-if I screw up and have a cigarette, it’s not all ruined, I can just go on as planned the next day? Physically, I probably could, if I could just wrap my mind around it and convince myself it’s true. It would still be a large extra dose of suffering, maybe worth it.
Time for doggie and I to wash off my coffee mug and walk to the cafe. I shouldn’t write blog posts before coffee. Then I”ll come back and mix some low-fat cream cheese with some wild smoked king salmon, and a handful of chives from my herb garden, and eat that with two whole wheat mini-bagels and a pile of sprouts. Then zumba, then lunch, then a long bike ride. The weather is awesome, and I feel like shit! Hooray!