I seem to do it often enough. It’s perfect for me, really, I get to exercise non-stop for days, avoid people entirely (they should thank me for this), eat whatever I want, however much I want (not this time-gotta have my limits), and really pamper myself for a few weeks days. What could be better than that? OK, feeling like every nerve is frayed isn’t comfortable, and can make a person cranky, possibly even bad-tempered. My impulses and cravings get out of control, and I can’t tell what I want or feel like. Actually, I’m completely ignoring cravings, because the only thing I REALLY want is what I’m not having, so why bother indulging or even acknowledging anything else? If I feel like eating, which I often do, I can eat oranges, celery, bell pepper strips, carrots, cherries, peaches, any fruit or veggie in the house. I sure have been eating a lot of produce!
Tomorrow morning will be 72 hours, and I feel almost human. I’m glad I didn’t let myself eat with abandon. It’s been hard even to tell if I’m hungry or not, which is fine if you’re at home and can eat if you need to. But me, in my need to escape, went on a 7 hour hike, and actually had to force myself to eat breakfast, and bring enough food. I have had no cravings for sugar (due to fruit overdose?), and eating just varies between being a chore and strange impulses, mostly ignored, and a mindless need to just keep eating.
I’m also cutting down on my caffeine. It’s easier to be uncomfortable and tense if I’m physically wiped out, too tired to do anything. I am using everything at my disposal to help, and avoiding everything that doesn’t (ex-boyfriends, alcohol). I barely have energy to move, but am going to head to pilates, because it makes me feel better, isn’t too noisy, and I like the instructor. I’ve only done pilates 2-3 times, but am willing to give another chance. I actually hope it makes me sore, it distracts me from the physical discomfort of not smoking. If you want a musical depiction of what this feels like, Sonic Youth does a realistic song, called “Nic Fit”. Tomorrow is another hike, maybe here in the city if it’s raining, or in the woods if it’s not.
Next week I join the world completely. Really. OK, not true, rather, I’ll start taking baby steps and getting used to the idea.