It looks like I was caught in an unfortunate confluence of pms, inability to exercise, and the painful shock of trying to quit smoking, not to mention the unfortunate state of my life, but I’m feeling better now.  I’ve learned not to try to quit smoking (or anything else) when I have that pms melancholy, but sometimes I forget.   For my whole adult life, food was my sedative, weed (as Linda once adroitly wrote about her observations in a previous comment) smooths out the rough edges, and cigarettes are my life vest.  Somehow I managed to break the food effect, which is a great thing, as far as health and weight loss go, but it leaves me to face some major discomfort head on, which I haven’t quite mastered yet.  I need to figure out how to process those feelings, either tolerating them so that I can move past them, or finding some way to use them to motivate me to change things for the better.  At least not losing it completely.  Facing my smoking habits is going to indeed be a road I’ll have to learn to maneuver, but it looks like the time is here.  It can’t be harder than food, but has it’s own, different, tricks.

I really have to give exercise the credit for pulling me out of this.  Besides that long beautiful hike on Monday, Tuesday I went to Kickboxing then Body Sculpt, and today I did that awful horrible Strength Training.  I tried every excuse in the book to not go today, but none held up.  This one hour class is about twice as much exercise as the two I did yesterday, though I made sure not to work my legs so hard that I can’t walk tomorrow.  That’s a lesson learned the hard way last week.  My arms, though, are trashed.  I may need help getting out of my clothes (oh cute neighbor boy!)  I really wish I had a bathtub at times like this.

Anyway, still haven’t quite figured out the best or most efficient, or even possible, way through this morass, but I’m working on it, just wanted to say that I’m okay, and my depression has subsided.  I don’t mind using exercise as a sedative, though not as immediately effective as a good strong binge, it has better side effects, and of course is much healthier in the long run.  Even exercise can be abused, but I’m way too lazy for that.  I’ll just do it enough to stay off prozac, or whatever is the pharm of the day.  Thanks everyone, for your hugs and good advice!


5 Responses to “Aftermath”

  1. June 18, 2009 at 9:57 am

    Glad you’re doing okay! Exercise is the best for clearing the mind.

  2. June 18, 2009 at 11:08 am

    So glad you are doing better. The stopping smoking certainly is hard enough & then the hormones hit! I have a bad case myself.. PMS AND perimenopause together so not a pretty picture & I do understand what hormones can do to the mind! Glad you got the exercise in.. it always helps & the outside walks should ease the mind too! Keep on trying.. it is better than not!

  3. June 18, 2009 at 11:59 am

    Excellent! I’m so glad!

  4. June 20, 2009 at 6:47 pm

    glad your feeling better…hang in there. you are doing great!

  5. June 22, 2009 at 12:50 pm

    So glad you’re doing better. I’ve not been great about checking into the blogosphere recently, but I have to tell you that I can TOTALLY relate to exercise helping my mood. It’s amazing how much brighter the world looks when I’m not laying in bed crying all the time. *rolls eyes* I wish I REMEMBERED that more reliably, though.

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