The Little Binge that Couldn’t

I feel like eating.  I feel powerless.  I feel lazy.  I could make a turkey sandwich but the bread is in the freezer, needs to defrost 15 minutes before I can even cut it to put into toaster oven for 10 minutes.  That’s 30 minutes before I can eat, and I don’t really want a turkey sandwich.  I didn’t buy anything from the store on the way home because I’m too cheap and nothing jumps out at me.  I have given myself full on permission to eat whatever, and I can’t think of anything worth the effort.  It might have something to do with the fact that I’m still trying to lose weight, and eating when not hungry seems to cause me to gain weight. Usually that doesn’t occur to me at the time, but now I hear it whispering from the back of my mind.  The same voice that reminded me that my nic-fit would pass when I wavered on smoking, and told myself I could smoke in 10 minutes, if I still wanted.  I eat a peach.  I drink some water.  I rest.  I eat green beans, raw-yum.  I could make popcorn, but am too lazy.  I steam an ear of corn, but am too full from beans to finish it.  I want something salty, but if I can’t think of anything worthwhile, I’m not going to have it.   I give up on the idea of eating, and type this post.  I don’t think this is discipline, more that I’ve  just learned to tolerate distress and discomfort and accept that it will pass.  This is how I move on.  I eat a grapefruit, brush my teeth.  All that food was 170 calories, (almost too lazy, but got curious to check calorieking)  and I’m stuffed.   Still thinking of popcorn, hmmm.

I haven’t lost any weight since I quit smoking.  Maybe I should have waited 10 pounds?  Oh well, too late.  I’m not in the mood to worry about that, not many people lose weight while quitting smoking.  In another week, I’ll look into possibly tweaking something if scale hasn’t moved.  I’m going on vacation, to Seattle, to suffer through their heat wave, which will likely be hotter than the one we’re about to get.

***OK, I ended up eating some popcorn, then a chunk of watermelon, then a chocolate covered almond.  All total, this little non-meal that I wasn’t hungry for ran probably between 400 and 450 calories.  That’s getting significant, and stuff like this could easily explain why I’m not losing.  Even if it’s all high fiber goodness, it’s energy.  I’ll have to do a bit better to get this last 10 pounds off that I want off.


4 Responses to “The Little Binge that Couldn’t”

  1. September 20, 2009 at 5:55 am

    I can totally relate to this post. I did (and still do) this all the time. The wondering what to eat, rejecting anything that takes too much effort, and then either eating something small or not eating at all. This usually happens to me when I’m bored.

    You are probably right that these little snacks, which aren’t bad in and of themselves, could be causing the scale to just stay the same. I think it’s great that you are really thinking about your choices and evaluating them!

    Congratulations again on quitting smoking. That’s really impressive.

  2. September 20, 2009 at 10:06 am

    I can totally relate to this. I love the way you wrote it – the flow of thoughts in your mind and how they just jump from one thing to the next… it’s perfect. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing, and I also need to put my non-hungry eating in check.


  3. 3 RA
    September 20, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    I just went ons a 50 mile bike ride, was so hungry but nothing sounded good. My husband was trying to get me to drink a little soda, but the thought of anything sweet…yuck. I didn’t make the greatest choices but ended up with a chicken and buffalo mozzerella sandwich and some mac and cheese. You’re much better than I!

  4. September 21, 2009 at 6:56 am

    I finally had to use WD40 [or whatever it’s called] to stop the hinges on my cabinets from squeaking during my search through my kitchen trying to find “that something” to take care of “that feeling”. It’s during these times that I wonder what other people do who don’t use food. I think you did good. You gave it a little time in between to try to figure out what it was that was really going on. Good luck and DON’T smoke.

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