I feel like eating. I feel powerless. I feel lazy. I could make a turkey sandwich but the bread is in the freezer, needs to defrost 15 minutes before I can even cut it to put into toaster oven for 10 minutes. That’s 30 minutes before I can eat, and I don’t really want a turkey sandwich. I didn’t buy anything from the store on the way home because I’m too cheap and nothing jumps out at me. I have given myself full on permission to eat whatever, and I can’t think of anything worth the effort. It might have something to do with the fact that I’m still trying to lose weight, and eating when not hungry seems to cause me to gain weight. Usually that doesn’t occur to me at the time, but now I hear it whispering from the back of my mind. The same voice that reminded me that my nic-fit would pass when I wavered on smoking, and told myself I could smoke in 10 minutes, if I still wanted. I eat a peach. I drink some water. I rest. I eat green beans, raw-yum. I could make popcorn, but am too lazy. I steam an ear of corn, but am too full from beans to finish it. I want something salty, but if I can’t think of anything worthwhile, I’m not going to have it. I give up on the idea of eating, and type this post. I don’t think this is discipline, more that I’ve just learned to tolerate distress and discomfort and accept that it will pass. This is how I move on. I eat a grapefruit, brush my teeth. All that food was 170 calories, (almost too lazy, but got curious to check calorieking) and I’m stuffed. Still thinking of popcorn, hmmm.
I haven’t lost any weight since I quit smoking. Maybe I should have waited 10 pounds? Oh well, too late. I’m not in the mood to worry about that, not many people lose weight while quitting smoking. In another week, I’ll look into possibly tweaking something if scale hasn’t moved. I’m going on vacation, to Seattle, to suffer through their heat wave, which will likely be hotter than the one we’re about to get.
***OK, I ended up eating some popcorn, then a chunk of watermelon, then a chocolate covered almond. All total, this little non-meal that I wasn’t hungry for ran probably between 400 and 450 calories. That’s getting significant, and stuff like this could easily explain why I’m not losing. Even if it’s all high fiber goodness, it’s energy. I’ll have to do a bit better to get this last 10 pounds off that I want off.