15
Nov
09

Potato chips and meunster on sourdough

This may count as one of the strangest meals I’ve eaten yet.  I went to a barbecue, didn’t want sausage, didn’t want gardenburgers, and I was hungry.  I also put onion and lettuce, so it was a dry sandwich, but it was fine.  It was a bike party at a brewery in the bowels of Oakland.   I bike there almost 5 miles each way, in short sleeves, trying to get some Vitamin D, in case I don’t have enough.    I wouldn’t dare bike through these parts at night, I would have to go an extra two miles out of the way.  It’s gorgeous during the day, though.

Yesterday the ex and I sat in a hipster bar in the Mission, discussing how our parents fucked us up, and how to fix ourselves.  We have a strange relationship, complicated by the fact that we never quite get away from each other, and are very close, despite the problems from being exes.  Our moms are best friends, though they no longer live close, but we know each other well, and we know each others parents, and have witnessed firsthand the damage being done.  We must look a strange pair, we are obviously not fighting, but I get weepy.   It’s funny being the only woman in a bar, I can do anything, nobody will say a word to me, not while crying, anyway.   I am going to practice living as if I loved myself, rather than slightly despising myself, see if that goes any better.  I’ll figure it out as I do it.

I’m 152.5 pounds.  At 148, my BMI = 25.  I’ll still be chubby, but I’ll think about resetting a goal when I make this one.  This is an old picture of me, maybe 2 years ago, when I weighed ~200.

walking_picnic

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7 Responses to “Potato chips and meunster on sourdough”


  1. November 15, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    You have such great hair. Romantic heroine hair. Only four pounds, huh? Do you have to push against, “Well, I took care of most of the problem… this last bit isn’t such a big deal”? My BMI is 26 something and while I am certainly still on the road, my motivation could be keener.

  2. November 15, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Meh! That BMI thing is strange- I understand the motivation, but I think it sucks.

    I love this post. Really and truly it made me feel a little less alone in the world because someone else out there (I know there are more than you) feels a little out of place, and wants to love herself more.

  3. November 15, 2009 at 8:49 pm

    i’ve just started “living as if”, which i guess is also fake it till i make it. i’m doing it around having a more positive attitude. i NEVER gave it much credit before, and i really didn’t think it could work BUT

  4. November 15, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    oops, i posted too soon. slippery fingers.

    as i was “saying”, BUT i found myself working on my attitude and my feelings about life, and somehow “acting as if” was working. good luck with your new approach to yourself — you’re well, well worth it and on the right track!

    you do have beautiful hair.

    potato chips and muenster on bread sound great, however, i’d choose a potato roll and add mustard.

  5. November 16, 2009 at 2:01 am

    Hi JJB,

    Thanks for vsiting my blog and commentng. Sounds like we have similar backgrounds in the wacko eating realm! I’m working on this and have to remind myself that a lifetime of very unhealthy tendencies isn’t going to be eradicated overnight.

    I see you have made some excellent progress on the weightlos journey over the last 2 years –
    quite an impresive loss. I’m going to try to browse your archive and read more about it! I’ll be back and following. Hope we both have a good Monday! Lesle

  6. November 16, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    It sounds like a fine sandwich. Not as good as pimiento cheese with potato chips (or pretzels), but still good. 🙂

  7. November 17, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    Not sure what to say. Want you to be happy and postive, but only you can get there. BTW, I too love your hair. I wish mine had a little curl or body, or something, but alas, even on the most humid of days, nada. As for lbs, BMIs, etc. I think they are all good tools, but it’s really how you feel and how you think you look that truly counts. When I tell people that I weigh 138 pounds, they can’t believe it bacause their pic doesn’t go with that number and how they see me. So, try to forget about the numbers for a while and see how you feel in you. Good luck


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