I can’t avoid it anymore, even my gym clothes are getting baggy, I have to start shopping. Today I stopped by a Goodwill in the 20 minutes before gym, and got a few shirts/sweaters. First of all, how can it be that I wear shirts that are small? Most mediums are too large, that was a shocker. I’m still overweight, something is very wrong. I didn’t buy any pants today, though I need to, as I have a few pairs of 10s that are too big, and some 8s and 10s that are okay, and a pair of 8s that are too tight. I wore these 8s to a concert the other night, had to unbutton them after I ate, and my stomach rolled over the side, fortunately hidden (barely) by my shirt. Awful disturbing flashbacks and memories of years of too-tight pants, delaying buying clothes that fit because I didn’t want to face the weight gain.
So yes, shopping is still something I won’t do until I have nothing to wear, which is starting to happen. The weirdest thing here, when I was XL, anything that fit was fair game. Now that so much fits, I can actually just buy stuff that looks good. This was a bit mind-blowing for me today, but why not? Why lose 50 pounds just to dress and look frumpy? As the ex says, I worked hard for this body, might as well show it off, and he does have a point.
I’m going to wait on buying pants, since I have enough that sort of fit, and maybe when the pair that is now too tight is getting too loose (positive thinking?), I’ll buy some more. In the meantime, I need some rain boots, as the rain keeps coming. And gym clothes, so expensive. I would be better served by diverting 25% of the energy dedicated to losing weight towards finding a job, maybe that’s a good way to start changing my focus.
P.S. I finally bought a full length mirror today, a cheap antique that I’ll need to clean up, but maybe now that I can actually see how frumpy I look, maybe I’ll be more motivated to dress in clothes that fit.