Over two weeks off cigarettes, and I haven’t been eating to compensate. Exercising, yes. I generally exercise a lot, but it’s been all in the gym, due to rain. I haven’t been getting my life in balance yet either, had to cut myself a break to get off the cigarettes. I’m trying, though.
Strangely enough, I went to a party the other night, ran into this guy I run into occasionally. I mentioned to him that I saw him coming into the gym as I was leaving the other day. I mentioned that he’d lost weight. He asked if he was looking good. He told me he always thought I was hot, hadn’t noticed that I lost weight, thought I was attractive when I met him (when I was fat). Aww, that’s so sweet, I’m going to take him home with me. Which gets me thinking, if I have overnight company, how am I going to get rid of him early enough to get to the gym? Big red flag going up here, I don’t like this. This is not balanced. I will probably always prioritize exercise, but I’m not pleased that I would do it to the exclusion of everything else. Including relationships, or even just sex (not that I even remember what that’s like) working, getting a real life. Though, to give myself credit, besides exercising like a insane ball of nerves with a nic fit who can’t sleep more than 5 hours/night, I also cleaned my entire apartment, for the first time since I moved here 5 months ago. I’m a horrible slob sometimes, it seems a self-defense mechanism like my overeating was, a way to keep people away. I need to bring people near. So maybe I am making progress, and should rethink this.
My weight has not gone up from quitting ciggies, though it isn’t dropping as quickly as it should be. I think, besides the exercise, not bingeing, and eating reasonable portions, one of the reasons for my weight loss success to date has been calorie density, as in minimizing calorie dense foods, maximizing whole foods, etc. I’m always eating fruits and veggies, but in time, the amount of processed grains, cheese, meat creep up in my diet. And then, occasionally, I notice my eating, and it’s too convenient, lazy, processed, heavy. So I’m going to get back to eating more lentil soup, less pizza. This last 20 pounds I’ve decided I want to lose is likely to take some effort. I haven’t been this weight since 9th grade, let alone smaller. Wish me luck!
The sun is out for the first time in about 2 weeks, I need to go make some Vitamin D while I can. And then I’ll go to the gym. Tomorrow I’ll think about balance, hopefully there’ll be more sun.
**I think much of my heavy eating is because I exercise a LOT and don’t want to deal with eating so much-thus, maybe if I exercise less (as in maybe just an hour a day), I don’t have to eat so much/so heavy.