Too tired to be #*&^% with!

Tonight I went to a panel about Jewish delis, and if they had a future at all, let alone an environmentally sustainable one.  Two of the panelists ran a deli around the corner, one was Michael Pollan (he lives here), one had a radio show and a recent book, and one was an urban farmer in W Oakland, one of those very poor areas that they call food desserts, I think, all liquor stores and barbecue joints and churches, but no groceries or produce markets.   It wasn’t all that interesting, didn’t learn anything new, and I don’t like pastrami, corn beef, or huge meat sandwiches, grass-fed or not.  Just bacon, pepperoni, kielbasa, hotdogs.  Not a good Jew, apparently, which may be ok for an atheist.

Yesterday I finally went on a date.  We went hiking, then ate pizza/beer, then I seduced him.  All I’m going to really say is that it’s a whole lot better for stress relief and peace of mind than exercise.  Maybe I’d do better cutting back on exercise if I could do that regularly.   I got up and went to the gym anyway this morning, full autopilot, didn’t even occur to me until I was halfway there that I didn’t really feel like the gym.  I always go on Tuesdays at 11, kickboxing then strength training, and since I already paid bridge toll, I went anyway.

Walking back from the panel tonight, I am walking on the empty side of the street.  I notice a voice behind me, been there a while.  I don’t have the best hearing, and I can’t tell what she’s saying, though I hear a word occasionally.  I cross the street, she does too.  It sounds as if she’s about 10 feet behind me.  I start to speed up, and she does too.    I probably appear mildly drunk, I’m too tired to fully pick my feet up, and I stumble over raised sidewalks occasionally.   Every muscle in my body is buzzing from the gym, I don’t feel like walking fast, may not be able to outpace her, and don’t feel like hearing her anymore.  I turn around 180, walk back towards her.  She’s wearing a blanket over her head, can’t tell much about her.  She stops, looks really startled.  I scream right in her face, she takes a step back, and screams too.  For a second, I think she’s going to hit me, then she looks as if she thinks I’ll hit her.  “Look, you damn *%^#$, quit *(%^)))&Y&  following me.  And shut the hell up.”  She starts talking very loud about Berkeley bitches, but no longer follows me.  As I shuffle away, I still can’t understand her.

Today I weigh 147, even though I had a heavy breakfast, and hadn’t gone to bathroom yet.  The number is dropping again, maybe faster since I started cooking at home more.  The scale really isn’t sensitive enough to tell me what works or not, and I’m not consistent enough in anything.  But whatever, I’m officially not overweight by BMI, and I’m still losing.


8 Responses to “Too tired to be #*&^% with!”

  1. February 10, 2010 at 6:52 am

    Just keep it up!! It’s awesome that you went to they gym anyway. Sometimes you just have to push yourself through those hard to get through workouts. Good job!!

  2. February 11, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Congrats on the loss and the seduction! Interesting story about your follower. I thought you were using the follower as a metaphor. I didn’t really think there was someone following you…. I thought it was just you and your thoughts. Good post

  3. 3 Elizabeth C.
    February 12, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    I love your blog. I just had a very slow afternoon at work, and read the whole thing. Every entry. You are a great writer. I have lost 40 lbs. with WW, and I have 60 more to go. I find your take on the psychology of food and “dieting” very, very inspiring. Thank you.

  4. February 13, 2010 at 11:15 am

    When in Philly (med school) one winter day, I said hello to a “street person.” Next thing I know she’s yelling and chasing after me! I got into my apartment just in time to shut the door behind me!!

    Maybe she wanted to go get a pizza/beer with me…but I doubt it 🙂

  5. February 15, 2010 at 10:42 am

    “Not a good Jew, apparently, which may be ok for an atheist.” “We went hiking, then ate pizza/beer, then I seduced him.” Julie, you’re hilarious and awesome.

    Too bad the panels weren’t more interesting; I always have high hopes for things like that. Other than that, sounds like things are going pretty good!

  6. February 15, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    while i read this blog, i wondered what you were feeling during each event. i don’t why — the thought just went thru my head.

    good for you on all fronts. hope you’re feeling good about your body and yourself.

  7. February 15, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Jen – I trip out on how my gym is such a habit that I do it without thinking these days. Thanks.

    Bobbie – Thanks. Both were and still are sorely needed.

    Elizabeth – Awesome, glad you like my writing and my sometimes irrational psychology.

    Dr. J – I try not to even acknowledge their presence, but lately so many of them are acting hurt by that. “Don’t I even get a smile, or a response?” I feel a bit bad, but as likely newly homeless, they need to get used to being “them”, not “us”.

    Sagan – Glad you’re amused by me. I try, occasionally, to not just be whiny and neurotic.

    Ihatetoweight – I don’t know that I feel too much, but I’m feeling okay about body. Self needs work fersure.

  8. February 17, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    sounds like things are just moving right along for you! good for you! have a great week!!

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