I officially reached it in the last month, haven’t thought too much about it. The goal moved, before I even got here. So now I’m about 15 pounds from new goal. At my current rate of around 2 pounds/month, it’ll take over a year. This is how it goes when you want to lose weight, but aren’t willing to restrict very much, it’s just slow. I’m trying not to care at this point, I’m getting interested in other things, looking for job, trying to find my way dating after a long break, figuring out who I am and what I want to do.
My whole life I’ve been so obsessed with weight, and weight loss. That’s all I’ve ever known, all I’ve ever been. This is the first time since I hit adolescence that I’m not overweight, let alone obese. Most of all, I mourn so many years spent obsessing and hating myself and my body, so that now I am a middle-aged woman whose biggest accomplishment is losing the weight. Now I have to keep it off, and lose a bit more. I’m not going to try to rush it now.
I am size 8, but I am keeping everything size 10 and smaller. I hope that since I am not really a restrained eater, and mostly eat intuitively (or mindfully/normally), I will be able to roll with whatever life throws at me, and not regain much. I haven’t binged in years, and don’t really overeat, nor undereat, very often. I’m flexible in my eating in every regard, have no set anything. Sometimes I eat two meals a day, sometimes 4 or more. I’m not really scared of any food, not HFCS, MSG, gluten, dairy, saturated fat, white bread. Some of these things I don’t eat very often, just because of the type of food that I eat, such as HFCS, trans fat. I eat a lot because I exercise a lot, and I like it that way. At this point, I’m only in the gym 2-3 days a week, I don’t think I’m overexercising.
I’ve quit smoking cigarettes, hardly think about them anymore. I still smoke too much weed, will likely tackle that next, as soon as I decide what should be done about it. Since most of the work I have left is mental/emotional, that’s really gotta go, at least habitual use. It numbs me, so I feel little, don’t mind the emptiness of my existence as much. Not sure where I’m going from here.
This is from a hike my neighbor and I did yesterday, to see some winter waterfalls. Mt. Diablo, again, way out in the suburbs.