Fake skinny

One of the gym class instructors (L) whose classes I’ve been taking sporadically for a few years went from very thin to kinda chubby all of a sudden.    Other instructors have commented on how she’s got the flattest belly, even after 2 kids, etc.  Another woman once asked me if she is anorexic (since I’m fat, I would know?)  I don’t end up in her classes too often anymore because of timing, but I ended up at one a few weeks back.  L has gained a lot of weight.  She has a tummy and all, maybe pregnant?  This last Saturday, waiting for her class to end so I can go to yoga, the woman next to me in line asks if I ever take L’s class.  I mention that I did last week, but it just doesn’t fit my schedule.   She takes some of L’s other classes.  I ask if L is pregnant, but no, she’s off her fat-burning pills.  Huh?  Say what?  WTF?   She went from skin and bones to almost as big as me (now, not 50 pounds ago).  She’s still much more muscular.   I heard something else about Red Bull, etc., but can’t remember if she’s on that now, or from before.  Fat burning pills?  Is that what they call speed when it’s legal?  Good for her for getting off that stuff, even if she then has to face her classes at a larger size.  I wonder if quitting speed makes people gain extra weight immediately, then settle in to their normal weight when their bodies adjust?  Somehow, if she took them to lose 10 pounds, I’d be a lot more comfortable than if she lost 25.

In unrelated yet similar news, new guy (NG) tells me that I’m starting to get that line that body-builders get down their chest/tummy.  Of course when I sit up to see it, there’s nothing but flab.  He’s still got his hand on my tummy, and is startled by my sitting-up muscles.  “You know how every time you talk to me, I’m either headed soon to the gym, just got back from the gym, or am too tired for the gym?  That means I go to the gym.”  Now he’s all thinking he should do sit-ups, lift weights, etc.  I’m not going to argue with him, I think muscles are sexy, especially shoulders.

I made the mistake of telling him that I was trying to lose 20 more pounds, and he has said a few times how totally sexy I would be.  This is a turn-off, but how can I be irritated with him for repeating back to me exactly what I said to him?  He’s also the thinnest he’s been as an adult right now, I guess he lost his weight late teens/early 20s, then gained it back, has recently been losing it.  Like me, he’s 15-20 pounds above ideal, slowly losing.   Sometimes he comments on high fat foods  that I apparently eat more than he would, and it makes me a bit uncomfortable.  He’s not consistent, though.  He eats light so he can drink beer, go out for midnight meals with his drunk friends.  I’m not giving up pizza for that, plus I’m more active.  All right, I just damn like fat, okay?    He loves the foods I cook, just not all the ones that I eat while out.   (Actually, now that I think of it, it’s just dairy that makes him nervous, partly for digestion problems)

I bought a shirt, pants yesterday insanely cheap.  Tiny little store going out of business, everything from China.  If I lose 5 pounds, maybe the stuff will fit right (size M pants, unlabeled shirt).  So I make a new official goal now.  I’m at 150, will now head towards 145.   I’m not giving up fat, not giving up anything.   I’m currently trying to figure out what I realistically can tighten up without bothering myself much, it’s so easy to creep up with the mindless snacking.   A handful of cashews here, 4 or 5 oranges daily, random cracker with peanut butter, all kinds of things eaten from boredom.  This is where I’ll look.   This is why I will weigh myself now and forever, for as much as Dr. Kessler***annoys me, he’s right in that mindless snacking is so easy to do, and will quickly pile on the weight.

***Oops, I mean Dr. Wansink

Mendocino county graffiti:

my other gun is a bike

finish your program, hun, you know children from other countries don't get sensory overload


14 Responses to “Fake skinny”

  1. April 13, 2010 at 11:47 am

    For some reason, I’d be offended if someone presented their results as one thing and it turned out they’d benefited from something else entirely. Like any of it would be my business.

    Have you considered stabbing NG in the hand with your fork every time he mentions what you’re eating? Sort of cognitive behavior therapy for the annoying. (You don’t have to draw blood, just let him know to hush. :))

  2. April 13, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Small goals are realistic and easier than big ones. I totally understand why you feel uneasy when he regurgitates your wishes with his voice. Obviously he likes you the way you are, and would like you thinner and/or more muscular. I don’t think he would like you better, but that’s what we hear. At least, that’s what I hear when my hubby says things like that. Good luck with everything.

  3. April 15, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    If a couple can be on the same page with health and fitness they both end up benefiting.

  4. 4 RA
    April 17, 2010 at 7:17 am

    My guy refrains from agreeing with me when I say things like “I wish I could lose another xx lbs” which is something he had to learn over time. Now he say, “maybe your body really likes this weight and you should be okay with it?” Not sure how I feel about the fat burning pills…I can’t take them…they make me jittery.

  5. April 18, 2010 at 3:36 am

    I know so many people around here who are on some kind of medication for losing weight. And once they do come off it – boom – the weight comes right back on.

    My hubby never said anything about my weight. Even after I lost it all he just said I was beautiful both ways. Sometimes I wished he were more honest because I knew I didn’t look good at 305 pounds!

  6. April 18, 2010 at 7:06 am

    Cammy – I see your point, but I’m not going to hold it against her, maybe I’m more stunned that she feels so much pressure to be thin that she would take pills in the first place. I suppose people are sometimes suspicious about chubby gym instructors.

    Bobby – I’ve shown him pictures of me when I was very large, and he’s said he would be just as attracted to me at that size. I don’t really believe him there, either, but I accept that he may believe it.

    Dr. J – It’s a good deal for both, of course we eat healthier and exercise more than I do with my naturally thin (or contently chubby) friends.

    RA – Glad your guy is trainable. I can’t imagine taking those pills either, used to do legal things like that in high school, illegal ones in college. Now if I drink too much coffee, I get the shakes.

    Diane – I hear some buzz now and again how coming off these extreme weight loss plans very slowly can help keep the weight off, but that’s always in regard to very low cal diets, not speed pills, which may be very different. Do you think it would have helped in any way for your husband to have been honest? I go back and forth here, I’m horrified at times to learn that my ex thought some of the things that he tells me about now. I would have been very hurt back then, but would it have motivated me? Hmmm.

  7. April 19, 2010 at 8:49 am

    Yikes. I feel for your instructor; that kind of pressure to be thin isn’t easy to live with.

    NG commenting would bother me, but then I have to admit that I make a point of not saying that I feel fat/want to lose weight/etc. I don’t even want to open the door. (Though sometimes I’ve been known to announce, “I feel gross and unattractive and fragile, and I need you to tell me that I’m crazy for thinking that.” That seems to work well, LOL.)

  8. April 21, 2010 at 7:07 am

    Wow, if quitting the fat burners had that much affect on a fitness instructor, can you imagine what would happen to someone who wasn’t working out but gave them up? It’s kind of sad that a person who works in the industry would use them to begin with.

  9. April 21, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    it is so hard to tell our significants what we need. if you felt great at your current weight (why don’t you, i wonder?), you could announce that and, as cammy suggested, stab him with a fork when he made comments.

    does he have issues of his own? how attached to “thin” is he for himself.

    i do believe everything is workable, as long as there is communication!!!!!!! (although i’m not real good at it myself.)

  10. April 23, 2010 at 6:25 am

    I think most people who rely on their body for a living (actresses, models, gym instructors, etc) are taking something to look thin. It’s sad because it makes it that much harder for us to find naturally healthy individuals as role models.

    I don’t know about having my husband parrot every insanely negative comment back to me. Sometimes I make negative comments about myself in order to fish for a compliment. I think there are ways to show support for someone’s weight loss goals without having to repeat that they need to lose X amount of pounds.

  11. April 23, 2010 at 6:36 am

    Hey Julie,

    Please e-mail me about SF. My e-mail address is on my site. I’ve never been there, don’t know the neighbourhoods and am wondering about the best area to stay in. We really don’t want to rent a car. We want to be able to visit on foot or using public transit or taxis. We’re not at snobby, Ritz-hotel family (not enough money either). If you have any suggestions, they’d be much appreciated.

    BTW, interesting post. I don’t know whether I could be with someone who put so much stock in my weight. I would always be worried about his impression of me and scared to put on a pound. When I was at my lowest, many years ago and before arthritis and children, I went out briefly with a guy from France who told me flat out that he preferred slim women. We didn’t go out for long. As I recall, I really didn’t have much in common with him and he probably thought I was way too curvy, even back then. If I weighed now what I weighed then, I’d be over the moon. Ah well.

  12. April 28, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    Marste – I should take a lesson from you, that’s a much better, saner policy.

    Karen – I can’t figure out why she would use them either.

    ihatetoweightandmore – I don’t think he’s nearly as weight obsessed as me, but he’s previously fat and doesn’t want to go there again. He’s more diety than I am, and just joined a gym. As for me? I don’t even want to be chubby, and that’s what I am. Too many rolls, still.

    Asithi – I can see actress and models, but gym instructors? I think in the case of the gym, where people are there for health, it’s inappropriate. I still like her, but am not impressed. As for the new guy, he’s clueless enough to break me of this habit of demeaning myself in order to get compliments, it keeps backfiring. More funny than annoying, my own silly fault.

    NewMe – I don’t think he minds my weight, any more than I mind him not being buff. I think he’d be hotter if he was, though it’s not super-important. I will never be thin enough to date a man who doesn’t like curvy, and that’s fine. I like curves. I’ll try to email you again, did you get the last one I sent?

  13. May 4, 2010 at 6:39 am

    “I’m not giving up fat, not giving up anything.” Good thinking. I’m starting an “Operation Lose 5 Pounds” later on this week and I’ll be talking about losing weight by being mindful, like you’ve mentioned- maybe it’ll be useful for you, too!

    That’s scary about the “fat-burning pills”. Pills in general wreak so much havoc on our bodies… some are safer than others, though.

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