Here or anywhere. I don’t really feel like I have much more to say about weight loss. I’ll likely continue on with what I’m doing, and lose slowly until I don’t anymore. Besides I’m not the best example. I unapologetically continue to eat butter, bacon, white sugar, full fat dairy. OTOH, I don’t fit into the mainstream either, as I don’t eat the Standard American Diet, though I occasionally eat a meal of it, for pleasure or convenience. I don’t eat much processed food, or any food faster than burritos or sushi. I eat way too much produce, likely more than most of you (if not, I’d really like to hear about it). Exercise is priority #1 in my life, which doesn’t mean that I’m that obsessive about it, just that there’s nothing else going on. I am a pothead, and this may not be the right forum for this, but it’s my only blog, and it dominates my life, though in very subtle ways. It’s kind of like being alcoholic, but without all the calories, liver damage, violence, loss of motor control, loss of inhibition, hangovers, physical addiction. And they won’t hassle you for consuming it in public (not in SF, anyway). It is still not a good thing. I need to fix that, which seems like it should be easy, after breaking ED. And I also need to clean my apartment, my car, my garden, my life. I don’t take care of myself, other than in ways directly related to weight.
I’ve been working on it. I force myself to go out and be social, though I’d often rather just stay in and not talk to anyone. I’m too hyper to be a good hermit, just as I’m too hyper to take a day off exercise, unless I’m very ill. Sometimes I go out, and still don’t talk to anyone. I’m starting to make more friends, but I’d like a boyfriend, and I haven’t had one in years. I don’t easily connect with people, and it’s partly because I’m high. I’ve noticed a few defensive, slightly hostile behaviors that weren’t helping me here, and I’ve been changing them, and that’s going well.
I think it’s coming up now because it’s time. I dealt with ED, then weight, and now that weight is almost done, I need to become a functioning human being. I’m not getting any younger. It really is time. I realize now, that by changing my defensive attitudes, I’ve already started.
I’m reading a very good book. Maybe I’ll do a book review when I’m done. I think it’ll be the last food book I read, I’m ready for a new subject.
And on a last unrelated note, I went to a party last weekend where there were a lot of big women. I’m a bit uncomfortable around them, truth be told. It’s likely because my life is so intertwined in gym and eating to lose weight, though I don’t talk about that with them, I maybe feel just a bit guilty. I realized that I’ve become the woman I used to hate at their size, though to them, I’m just a mildly chubby chick, not a card carrying member of the previously obese.