Fat Trapped?

OK,  I’ve been thinking about that NYT article, The Fat Trap, and maintenance in general, and overall, I didn’t like the article too much.  Everything I’ve read on the subject, not to mention common sense, indicates that the faster it comes off, the faster it comes back.  Starvation diets just seem to be such a bad idea, torture to go through, trauma to pull out of.  I don’t completely understand the hormone interaction, but I think hormones control weight (and just about everything else), and cannot be trivialized, it’s not just calories in/out. 

Also, I’ve read some critiques that label that Bridges woman as eating disordered, as she monitors and weighs her food, tracks her exercise, is extremely strict with what she eats.  I’ve read enough blogs of maintainers to know that some do that, and while it seems obsessive to me, it’s worth it to many.    Maybe I don’t have to because of the way I exercise (I LOVE high intensity cardio, and do strength training also even though I don’t love it).  I’m not sedentary, even without the gym, and though my dad and his entire family runs overweight, my mom eats lots of crap, exercises a lot, and is thin.  Maybe though I’m not so strict with my diet, perhaps the high fruit/veggie intake, or even just not often overeating is enough for me to stay not too chubby (as opposed to the frequent, habitual overeating that got me fat in the first place).  My on-again/off again cigarette habit.  My weight has been annoyingly stable for at least 1.5 years now, since I began tracking it, though 10 pounds higher that I’d like. 

What I did like about the article is that it showed why “calories in, calories out” isn’t as simple as it sounds.  When the idiot chemists that I work with don’t believe that I exercise, since I’m not thin, I could point them to this article, if I wanted to get into it with them, which I don’t.  It does take long-term dedication to maintain weight, and I do use the scale to monitor my behavior, lifestyle, constantly.  I have to work with myself, though, and accept my limitations.  I definitely tend towards hedonism more than any semblance of austerity, which basically means my will-power sucks, and I’d best not rely on it for anything.  Anyway, a much better post on a mostly political blog, is this one.  I like his sense of humor, and surprisingly agree with his politics (as far as I read of them)

Overheard:

NY day, after a hike, having dinner while waiting for the traffic to die down so I can drive home:  The woman at the next table, upon finding out that the children’s cheese quesadilla comes with french fries, (I could feel her cringe when she heard that), to her boy, who wanted french fries, not the veggies that he was getting isntead:  “The whole world wants to feed you crap.  I’m the only one who ever cares if you eat anything healthy.”

About two weeks ago, at my Sat AM step class, while setting up my barbell for the following class:  An older man thanking the instructor for bringing him from a C cup to a double AA.  She thought that was funny, as did I.  A few days later, different class, different gym, he introduced himself to me, said he quit drinking and joined AA 6 months ago.  My first instinct was to worry that he’s going to want to talk religion, but turns out he was worried about abortion being banned – much less controversial.

Anyway, he’s 60, he lost 40 pounds from quitting drinking, 20 from the gym, glad his knees are holding out.  Funny guy. 

 

Holidays, finally

Not stressful for me, don’t really celebrate, but my work shuts down Thursday, doesn’t reopen until Jan 2, and I don’t have to fly anywhere.  It’s a strange time of year.  The gym is much less crowded than usual, though in two weeks, it’ll be busier.   I get that people kinda throw in the towel on any kind of dieting between T-giving and NYE, but I would think they’d still be at the gym, just to burn off all that’s eaten at parties.  Or at least, that’s my downfall.  And all the cookies, fudge, cake, etc., that’s been showing up at work.   The scale rises quickly on that sort of food for me, I finally had to lay down some restrictions, as in one desserty thing a day.  I haven’t really stuck to it, but am a bit more mindful of what I eat (only the really good stuff).  I’ll break that one in slowly, after the New Year.  Does that make it a New Year’s Resolution?  I do better when I make things goals, and move there slowly.  Also, keeping up better with cleaning my apartment, which I’ve been working on a month or two already.  And keeping aware of the news, politics, too many wars to count.

Speaking of war, my boss is from a country with a problem.  He claims he is perfectly comfortable about people not agreeing with him – though you must be nice about it.  The man who runs his original country is absolutely not okay with it, and is on a killing spree.  The town he comes from is about 4000 years old, and has seen its share of brutal dictators.  He says in ’82 or ’84 (can’t remember), 10% of the town was killed.   He often can’t reach his parents, still there.  Though I’m ignorant of most history (crappy high school) and not current on current events, this inspired me to be more aware.  Less weight loss blogs, more politics.

Interestingly enough, he has only organic dairy at his house for his kids, as all the hormones, etc.,  accumulate in the fat.   He thinks the liver can’t handle many fake sugars.   He’s somewhat vegetarian, unless he has access to halal meat, which few restaurants do, though there are plenty of markets.  My favorite market is halal, though I don’t buy the meat.  I can’t remember if he has his PhD in pharmacy (edited:  pharmacology) or chemical kinetics, but he seems quite intelligent, and isn’t prone to believing woo.    Though he’s deeply religious, he isn’t offended by my lab-mate, who worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

It would be a good thing if more people were reasonable, and weren’t threatened by those who don’t agree with them.   Some nutrition blogs are extreme and dogmatic, people are so emotionally attached to their way of eating, they can’t accept that others don’t share their opinion.  Sometimes, not even their facts.

OK, I’m really cranky and have to go clean my kitchen (see NYE resolution started some weeks back).   Hope everyone has Stressfree Holidays and Merry New Year!

Oh, and here’s some pictures.

Oakland church on my walk home, each cross with the name of someone killed by violence in town this year

In Memory of Our Troops - a memorial for those killed in Mid East. The sign says 6088, but that was months back

Bad Relatives (or 89 years of weight watching)

I should have stayed home sick on Thanksgiving.  Or, at least, been unwilling to drive, going hiking instead.  I was offered a room in a motel with my cousins, but I’m not a good sleeper, and I hardly know them.  It’s not a close branch of the family.   Anyway, I drove almost 3 hours South, pretty area, but too far.  Dinner was at a restaurant, at a golf resort, where my great-aunt lives.   We had sushi, ribs, fish, chocolate souffle, and wine.  My great aunt asks why I’m so large.  She thinks I must eat too much fast food.  No, no fast food. 

“Well, what is it?  Do you live on potato chips, ice cream?”  WTF?  Back off, bitch.  I shrug, turn away, talk to her son, who is about the only one I even know there.  His daughters start talking to her about something else.  Later in the evening, she says I shouldn’t bother to wear a skirt, my legs aren’t ready to be shown off yet.  On the way out, she offers to let me into her gym, which is in the building.  Great idea, let me go in there in my dress and fucking heels, and go for a run.   I was pissed by this time, and left, drove the 2.5 hours home (different route, less traffic).

I didn’t see anything to her that night, but she emailed to apologize for the crowded sleeping arrangements.  I emailed back that I thought she might be apologizing for her inappropriate comments.  She offered no apology, but said she’s been battling weight problems her whole life, and even at her age, she eats as little as she can get away with, and exercises as much as she can.

 I’ve never known her to be anything but thin, but she was already close to 50 when I was born.  She eats reasonably, though not a whole lot.  Very healthy for her age, doesn’t walk well, but swims just fine.  I’m only 10 pounds above my lowest adult weight, which probably was where I was last time I saw her, 1.5 years ago.  I’m much smaller than she’s seen me in the past. 

So, did she motivate me to go lose weight?    I’m losing at my slow, not-willing-to-diet pace, a pound or so per month, anything faster would probably backfire, especially this time of year.  But she pissed me enough to buy a pack of ciggies and smoke them.  That’ll increase weight loss, but not worth going back to.  Nothing but suffering that way.  And now, instead of feeling like I’m just 10 pounds overweight but doing fine, now I feel fat and disgusting and ashamed to be out in public, no point in trying to dress nice, or look presentable.  And I’m having nicotine cravings.  Even my mom doesn’t do that to me anymore (but only because my dad made her stop)  

 I guess we all have some nasty relatives. 

Mars and Venus lose weight (or don’t)

I’ve been fascinated by what my co-workers think about losing weight.  I think about it and talk about it too much, which was stressful when I was bigger, but amusing now.  Anyway, see if you can tell the men from the women.

Coworker #1:     (After a barbecue lunch put on my work)  “I was having a hard time deciding whether to eat another sausage, or a brownie.  In the end I had the sausage, but they had switched brands, not as good.  Should have eaten the brownie instead.”  (As for me, I ate two sausages and half a brownie, though no buns, pasta salad, potato salad, or anything but the green salad.  I don’t like their brownies, too much sugar, not enough butter.  I don’t like most sausages, either).

Coworker #2   After being invited to a restaurant that it takes months for a reservation “I can’t go.  I have to go to the gym EVERY DAY after work”  (Two months later, hasn’t started yet)

Coworker #3  “I would really like to lose 10 pounds, and I tried riding my bike for miles and running, and lost a pound.  I tried dieting strictly, lost a pound.  It’s annoying, but I can’t do anymore”.

Coworker #4  “I can’t lose this tummy.  I did a successful cleanse in the past, cut out gluten, dairy, meat, soy.  I’m going to start that soon”  Personally, I think skipping the bag of chips every lunch would work just as well, but not my business.

Coworker #5  “I started gaining weight after working here.  I was doing no exercise, none.  At all.  Now I run on the treadmill, for 15 minutes, and have returned to normal.”

Coworker #6 “I don’t know why I’m gaining weight.  I have never had a belly roll before.  I do not like exercise, don’t want to do it, though I probably should”

Coworker #7  “I don’t understand this goal of losing weight.  Where I come from, it’s a compliment to be called fat.  Personally, I used to be normal weight, now I’m much too thin, and though I’m trying, I don’t gain weight.”

**Not exact words, but close.

Caveman eating goes mainstream!

A new type of food is not quite trendy yet, but starting to show up.  A Mission taqueria gets busted, has to use only American crickets in its tacos from now on.  An upscale restaurant in Sausalito has a multicourse dinner pairing “finely sourced and exquisitely cooked edible bugs” with a tequila tasting.  Mealworm stirfries, moth larvae tacos, chili and garlic locusts, chocolate covered scorpions.    This is likely closer to what cavemen ate,  not corn-fed CAFO-raised cheap muscle meat wrapped in styrofoam and plastic, with a vegetable thrown in here and there.    Some claim the fruit is different, didn’t used to be sweet, that’s been intentionally bred in by us. Likely, similar to how cows were domesticated from wild ox 8 to 10,000 years ago.  Fruit is sweeter, vegetables less bitter, animals selectively bred from the original, wild animals, to things such freaks of nature (or human selective breeding) as the commonly eaten turkey.      But, I don’t pretend to know what our ancestors ate, as I am no anthropologist, nor are most of the people who claim to know what “grok” ate, which in their romanticized version, contained little starch, no grain, little fruit, small amounts of vegetables.  I doubt it, they likely ate roots and all the fruit they could find.  And insects.  Grubs.  And the ones who couldn’t get fruits/veggies, got to eat nice things like eyeballs for vitamin C, like the Inuit, who many use to show that there’s no need for plant food.  There’s a taqueria open late near my old house that sells eyeball tacos.  OK, paleos, get sustainable, get real.  Insects and eyeballs.  Or else, just admit that you’re biased and believing in “paleo” because you like meat, okay?  Geez.

And no, I’m not a part of any vegan conspiracy.  I’m not even vegetarian.  I’m not into low-fat.  I don’t eat tons of processed carbs.  There’s a whole spectra between these groups, not everyone falls into such strict categories.  Why does everyone want to be so bloody extreme?

tarantula quiche?

Food: Dogma, reward, and moderation

While sick this weekend, I entertained myself by reading about the Ancestral Health Symposium that took place at UCLA recently.  It seems to be Weston Pricers, low-carbers, and “paleo” eaters, many of whom seem to think the root of all bad health is fructose (including fruit), and/or gluten, and/or soy, and/or omega-6 mono-fats, and/or fiber, etc.  I found out about it from a blog I read regularly, written  by Stephen Guyenet, who has lately been writing about a theory of obesity, regarding food reward.  I don’t fully understand it, but don’t completely disagree, and the more I think about it, the more sense it makes.   Food reward isn’t quite the same thing as taste or palatability, but seems to relate more to hyperpalatability and maybe dopamine receptors, foods that override satiety signals for whatever reason.  I’ll have to go read it again to try to understand it fully, but I’ve been thinking if it relates to me.  For example, why will I overeat some stuff, and not other stuff?  It’s not taste.  I like spicy Korean ramen, will add LOTS of veggies and a few shrimps, cilantro, and I’ll eat the whole thing, which is two bowls.   Soup I made yesterday, lots of veggies, shell beans, ham, ww orzo, I can barely finish one bowl.  Is it the ramen noodles?  Personally, I think it’s the MSG, I’m a big umame fan.  Similar to how I eat whole grain bread with my egg/cheese/bacon/spinch/mushroom, I won’t eat more than one.  If I ate white bread, I could probably eat two.  Same with pasta, I’ll never overeat whole wheat pasta, even with piles of cheese.   These examples could just be due to fiber, not reward, I’ll have to go read the series again (ugh).

Anyway, Gary Taubes and his acolytes don’t seem to like the theory too much, deviates too far from “carbs cause insulin spikes cause obesity” which is apparently the one and ONLY cause of obesity, despite billions who eat white rice or other starch based diets, and aren’t fat.   As a scientist, I am offended by GT**, and his cherry picking, conclusion jumping, tunnel vision, not to mention the arrogant attitude.  I could go on, but I’ll just say I don’t like evangelism of any sort, religious, nutritious, political, anything.  I’m much into the gray, not comfy with black/white or extreme thinking.  (**In all fairness, I will give him credit for leading me away from the idea that low-fat was a good thing, so thanks for that)

Which brings me to another misunderstood concept, that of moderation.  Obviously, moderation is subjective, but many don’t do it at all.  Overheard at party, some guy talking to my ex-landlord’s girlfriend–”Moderation is a glass of wine every other day or three, not a bottle per night”.  Not to her, apparently.  At a dinner party about a month ago, sitting at a table of about 10, fixed price meal (expensive, small portions, my new kinda restaurant but should be tasty), dessert time, and the chocolate cake is mediocre.  I take a bite, decide it’s not worth the calories, put down my fork.  The very skinny woman (of course) is surprised, so I tell her I used to be fat, I can’t eat cake often, and this one isn’t tasty enough to bother.  She looks at me like I just picked my nose and ate it, says she can’t imagine dinner without dessert.  The guy next to me asks her if she’s serious, really does she eats dessert every night, and she says most meals, doesn’t everybody?  It seems most of us eat it once/week or two.  Ieat chocolate cake maybe once a month, and usually I try to split it.  The skinny woman thinks that’s outrageous.  I eat fried chicken maybe 3 times/year, pizza every week or two, usually that I make myself (ww dough, I may overeat it a little but not like pizzeria pizza), at least a little white sugar and flour nearly every day, that’s how I do moderation, though not everyone will agree.

My weight has been stable now for about a year, settled about 55 pounds less than my highest weight.  I would still like to lose more, and I think I know how I can do that now.  In last post, I was wondering if I overcompensate for exercise by eating too much, and I do.  It’s not because it makes me hungry, it’s mostly because I think I should eat more so I don’t bonk in kickboxing class, or justification for a hard workout and being hungry afterwards.  When I don’t go to the gym, I don’t eat until I’m hungry, which isn’t very often.   My maintenance level is supposedly 2200 kcal/day, and I’m probably a few hundred cal below if I don’t go to gym.  Preventative, or prophylactic eating, if you will.    So, no more 1000 cal burritos after the gym on Monday nights, I’ll just save that for Saturday afternoon, if I don’t have dinner plans, as I won’t get hungry again, except for maybe some fruit before bed.

I read somewhere that the studies that saw exercise doesn’t help weight loss are based on 250 kcal, maybe what a person can burn in an hour’s moderately paced, flat walk.  I do 3 cardio classes, 3 strengh training classes, 1 yoga class in a normal week (three sessions-not convenient to get to).   I approximate I burn 2500-3000 extra/week, just from the gym, not including biking/walking/shlepping up the stairs all day.  I think it helps me, or at least enables me to eat without uncomfortable restraint, not to mention serious mental/emotional benefits.  I’m not going to give up my cardio classes, I’m just not going to eat extra (unless I’m truly hungry).    I think this, and really limiting my alcohol (sorry, boyfriend, get used to it), will enable me to lose this last stubborn 10 (2o?) pounds.

Kind of a random post, but random thoughts have been brewing.  Those Weston Pricers and their “neolithic agents of disease” make me want to go eat some ice cream out of spite, but I don’t have any and would prefer some watermelon, thus disproving reward theory, just me and my n=1 experience!  Wait, it doesn’t work like that?  What?!?!

someone has a sense of humor!

Pool parties!

A terrifying concept, at least for all of my adult years.  But I went to two this weekend, even had a bathing suit that fit, it was fine.   This was an accomplishment for me, a bit scary, but it really was okay.  I still put on a sundress if I’m out of the pool for a while, but it’s better than the long t-shirt that I used to wear as a teenager.  Most of my adult life I’ve lived in San Francisco, which is not swimming-friendly, but an hour in any direction can get very hot.  I overate, as I always tend to do, when there’s tasty not-so-healthy food around and I am drinking.  I’ve learned to accept this as my reality, and rather than fight it, I just yield to it, try not to overdo it, and compensate by eating a bit more cautiously before and after.  It wasn’t all that bad, being that there were no sweets- at all!  What’s WRONG with these people.   My digestive system is tired, as is the rest of me. Tonight it’ll be a salad (mostly from my garden), cottage cheese, and ear of corn, which doesn’t sound awesome, but is.   I like simple meals on hot evenings.  When it gets cool enough, I’ll make some roasted roots and ham and collards to eat for lunch for the rest of the week.

Hope everyone had a great holiday (4th of July, or Canada Day, or whatever you may or may not celebrate).

Why am I losing weight now?

My work environment has changed.  We moved buildings.  Now, when I step off the shuttle, instead of being 20 steps from my desk, I’m about 100 steps, plus a flight of stairs.  I climb this flight of stairs probably six times a day.  My lab is about 50 steps away, instead of 10.  Instead of everything I need being in the lab, it’s not scattered all over, and I spend a significant amount of time finding reagents and glassware, walking back and forth from the fridge (no food!) in a different lab, instruments in yet another lab, etc.  Also, the job no longer does Costco runs, someone else is in charge of the food.  No more goldfish crackers, cookies, chips, bread, string cheese.    And while, yes, there is such a thing as willpower, it’s not a surefire thing, especially when things get stressful, or I’m overly hungry.  Now, snacks are hard-boiled eggs, wild rice salad, chickpea salads, fruit, nasty granola bars (really have to be hungry for to gag down one of these),  overly sweet low-fat yogurt, which I would never be hungry enough to eat.   There’s a soup and salad and sandwich bar, and “healthy” entrees, though I almost always bring my own lunch.*

My New Year’s Resolution this year was to prepare most of my own food.  I’ve been quite successful at it.  I still eat out 3-4 times a week, usually due to social occasions, and an almost weekly burrito, but it is much better than the almost every meal that it used to be.  I’ve got a new half year resolution, to get serious about strength training.  Yes, I use the small weights, but even they’re not getting much easier, and I can barely do all the reps.  So I’m pushing a little harder, not just half-assedly going through the motions.  I even do hard yoga on occasion, not just the stretchy stuff.    It makes me feel really good, though I don’t always enjoy it at the time.

There was a few weeks where I had no car.  Even my bike was out of commission for almost a week, and I was certainly feeling the lack of gym in my life, though I still had plenty of exercise, being that I had to walk everywhere (2.2 miles each way to the shuttle to work), grocery store, farmers market, etc.  So, yes, I admit, I am an addict, I crave the endorphins/dopamine/serotonin/whatever it might be that strenuous exercise gives me.   Not like I crave cigarettes, but certainly more than anything else I’ve encountered to this day.

I’m feeling okay about things.  I’d still like to lose another 10 pounds, which is what I weighed about a year ago, and I’m getting there slowly.   There’s nothing ecstatic about losing a pound, maybe two, per month, but that seems to be my current pace.   I hate to say, but I think I lost weight faster when I wasn’t doing so much gym, though I hate the whole idea of that.  Am I overcompensating with my eating?  I know sometimes I eat just so I don’t bonk at the gym, even if I’m not hungry.  I’m going to look at this over the next few weeks, though I don’t want to cut my gym too much.  Endorphins rule!

I am procrastinating packing for a camping trip, cleaning my apartment.  Feeling disgruntled.  It took me three tries to get the password right for this blog.  I will have to think on that, too.

*My pizza consumption has dropped considerably, as it’s just not around at work too often.  I still like it, still eat it, but levels are way down.

I guess I should say something

I can’t explain completely why I’m not into this blog anymore.  It took a few tries to remember my password.  I’m not really inspired with the weight loss battle so much anymore.  I’m not sure if I can call it maintenance, as I seem to be gaining about a pound per month.  Or was, I’ve been stable for a few months.  I’m not happy at a BMI of 27, but I’m figuring it out, still going to the gym, occasional hikes, biking to work shuttle, etc.  Maybe I should look at it another way, my weight is surprisingly good considering I all but eat ad-libitum.    But my regular eating isn’t the problem, it’s the crap at work, restraint only goes so far.  Cookies, pizza, bread/cheese, all stuff I’m not looking for, but every once in a while, I eat anyway.  We just moved buildings, there should be much less of that stuff now.  And I work on the second floor, have meetings on the third, and walk up and down the stairs, and back to our old building frequently, so there’s a lot more NEAT (non-exercise activity thermogenesis – moving not for the intent of exercise).  Still, the food thing is hard, in the long run.  It’s much easier for me to skip meals, especially dinner, than be strict with the food.  I have to find a level of restraint that works, but won’t stress me out.  There’s no sense in doing anything that I can’t do long-term, especially since I recognize that it’s only going to get harder, as I get older.

It makes me uncomfortable sometimes to read some of the diet blogs, I sincerely believe that your body will adust to what you do to it, to a great extent.  I don’t want to be stuck eating 1200 kcals/day for the rest of my life, or no carbs, or no fat, or no sugar, or anything like that.  Just not going to happen.  If I was a betting woman, I’d estimate I average about 2500/day now, which is too much, even for as much as I exericse.

I’ll get there.  I’m not giving up, I’m just more focused on fixing my mind, which is a way bigger problem.  BTW, congratulate me, I got a job, with benefits and all, first health insurance in almost a decade.  I’m curious to check blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, other things.  I think I’m healthy, I exercise often, sometimes intensely, and I eat my 5+ servings of fruits/veggies most days.    I have some unhealthy behaviors, along with my weakness for cheese and bacon, that I would also like to get a grip on.

Well, don’t really know if anybody is even reading this, but if you are, hope you’re having a great day!

Greetings from Argentina!

Am I too fat to go?

I’m leaving for Buenos Aires, where supposedly they don’t sell any clothes larger than US 8.   I’m currently size 8/10, all I can think of is that I am NOT shopping, because I’m going to vomit if I try and everything is just a little tight.  Same as it’s always been.   They don’t approve of overweight down there.  Just like most of my gym classes, I’ll be huge in comparison.  Actually, as the New Year gets close, new people are showing up, most still thin, but occasionally bigger than me.

Hopefully a diet of steak, wine, and no sleep will help lose weight?  All I can think about is how am I going to not smoke cigarettes.  So not interested in the food, completely looking for a ciggie excuse.  Damn, I’m an idiot.